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a broken clock is a comfort
Friday, July 17, 2009


i'm falling apart, i'm barely breathing.
with a broken heart,that's still beating
in the pain, there is healing
in your name, i find meaning
so i'm holding on,i'm holding on, i'm holding on
barely holding on to you.

i don't think i blogged about this yet but saturdays message (on the 11th of July) really really touched my heart.
Dr Brenard was sharing about how sometimes in our life, we seek meaning in different things, in fame, in our talents,in our financial stability etc and this becomes our self identity and our provision. but these things don't last. if they define us and one day they are stripped away from us, we will lose our self definition and all that we think we are.

i have to admit that sometimes other things get to my head and God isn't the number one person in my life. like sometimes music is something i find my meaning in and it is what i feel is the only stability in my life. there's nothing wrong in treasuring your talents and investing time in them but when the focus shifts from God to it, it gets messy.

i don't think i shared this on my blog yet,but afew weeks ago i found out that i didn't make it into teenage band bv. and i really was dissapointed and was trying to reason to find out what went wrong. it just irked me,that i had the chance and i blew it. although i thought i sang okay but it wasn't good enough,and a lot of negative thoughts struck me again and again,and i was really torn apart.because i was dissapointed,and MJ was the one that nominated me for the audition,and i was the only one he picked from our zone,i just felt as if i let him down. i like to think that handle failures well,but the truth is that i don't really take them that well. singing is something that i really treasure and its something i want to do well in,in the future. and it stung,not getting what i wanted,that something i was more confident in compared to others.
i finally released it to God a week ago,because there is really no use in getting sad and upset over something that is totally out of my control and that is already over,i can't change anything.
last time i really couldn't understand why one of my cellgroup members was really sad when she didn't pass her choir auditions. the sinking feeling you get,it just sucks. but i've decided to Let go and Let God work in my life.
i am going to work harder and not take whatever i have for granted.


its not mine,but God it is all yours.

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