amanda goes plain

Running Away

2009-10-15T00:17:00.000-07:00

I'm shifting,
to ANOTHER BLOGGER BLOG.
i know, i created an elljay,
but blogger is, mind me for saying this, more idiot proof.
so,
the
new
link is:

www.foreveryoumayrun.blogspot.com

thanks,and bye.
see you there.

summer something

2009-09-10T22:56:00.000-07:00

hello, i know its been SUPERFREAKING LONG since i actually updated this thing
i've created an elljay account,but haven't done it up,changed background,emocons etc yet, so for now i'll blog with this.

so many things has been happening recently,
but i can say that God has been good.
the sept hols were okay, not exactly fun, but alittle fruitful
finished majority of notes,
stating revision(:

monday conference with the cogls was awesome!
felt less burdened,and more of a it-will-work-out-cos-we-are-going-to-trust-God-and-change-it kind of attitude.
sat was a real wake up call.
will elaborate more another time.

oh well,
i'll go start my studying regime again.
CYA(:

running away

2009-08-20T03:33:00.000-07:00

hello.
havent been blogging in ages
i'm really really sorry for not updating;haven't been online for 2 weeks.
oh man,
and blogger STILL sucks,my toolbar is still absent
and i have decided to move!yay(:
will post the link of the new blogs soon.haven't created it,yet!
as for updates,nothing much has been happening, just that i fell sick last week and was absent from school.
came back to school this week,trying to catch up.
and beth and i are going to do something for teachers day..so,keep a look out for that(:

i've nothing much to say now.can't think.cya.bye
SO AM GONNA CHANGE MY BLOG ASAP.

be my escape

2009-08-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

HEY
i'm back.
i know i havent been blogging consistantly;and my blog posting thing is still screwed.
can't upload pictures,can't change my fonts....
what's up with blogger!!
am not in much of a blogging mood right now,
not feeling very well now
BUT i will be okay soon.reeely soon(:

friday was a riot.
we won the talent comp in school and it made all the lunch and recess skipping totally worth it.
ily guys(:
will post the pictures on f.b soon(;
need to shrug off the laziness first.
I REALLY HOPE I CAN GO EAT TODAY(:
ARGH.

an unlikely love song

2009-08-01T02:30:00.000-07:00

well,love is love.
no one can exactly say what's right and wrong.
and love is an action too, of giving.
and a feeling, a nice,warm one that makes you feel special.
so i have a friend of mine that had a very UNUSUAL crush on someone and i have to admit i was the first few ones to make fun of her and tell her to SNAP OUT OF IT
i even made a joke that i was going to write a song about it(which i did,its here,at the bottom)
then when i was having some alone time it occured to me that what she was experiencing was loving from afar,a situation i have been in and hate by the way,and i got rather inspired.
so here is what i came up with during friday's english period(right,emmanuelle?)
melody and all.so yay,perfect(:

here it goes

So close,he's far to you

Loving from afar
its like reaching for a cookie jar
up on a high high shelf
you can have your cake but can't eat it
you can see him here
but can't feel him
feel the love you think you deserve

you dream of him
you pine for something more
still doesn't get you the love you think you deserve

its like a roller coaster off balance
its like a see saw with only a person on it
you go up and down to see him
you swear your heart pounds for him
everytime he is near
so close,he's far
is he to you

let love in

2009-08-01T01:12:00.000-07:00

WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH THIS BLOGGER THING.
GRR,can't post pictures up here.
the whole header with the icons(eg:font size,word color,bold/italic icon)is totally gone.
i don't know whats going onnn!
ARGH.

alittle too late

2009-07-30T04:00:00.000-07:00

its been so so so so so long since i last blogged.
lots of stuff happened in between

it has been a crazy crazy week.
studying almost every single day till i feel so tired exausted and pizzed.
i just hope the effort is shown through the results.

ANYWAY!
saturday's gonna be great,FOP plus singing lessons with sherlyn before that.
can't wait.

and....
next week!
arranging it to be full of catchup dates with different loves and
its gonna be the national day school concert!
our group got in,will be playing guitar and singing,so that'd be fun(:
and next week means..national day's round the corner.
awesome.
can't wait for monday.to slack at karen's place.
i'm tired.
bye

thanks lao shi

2009-07-17T03:38:00.000-07:00

i haven't blogged about many many things!
so many things have happened recently,maybe too quickly.

i just really want to thank my chinese tuition teacher, zhou lao shi.
though i really took not much of an interest in her lessons in the beginning.
but last week when i was low(she didn't know though) she really really encouraged me.
it just started off as a simple conversation,her asking me about what i said in the o level chinese oral .
so i just told her whatever i could remember.
then she asked me about my aspirations,like if i really meant what said during the o level oral, and i said yes.
she asked me to sing for her
and i tried to remember whatever i could from the chorus of some chinese song
when i was done
she looked me straight in the eye and told me,she thinks i can do it.
and gave me a lot of advice.
and when i said " but how do you know?i mean stuff like that are not predictable. as much as i want it to be true but there are so so many people better than me.that are so way ahead"
she just told me"find what is your specialised area.is it lyrics,or the phrasing? there is bound to be something. don't think too much. just think that it is confirmed and work towards it"

those simple words really meant a lot to me.
its not about boosting my ego, but it just made me realise,that i'm not dreaming alone. that people i know,that i barely take notice of,really want me to get what i want,and want to see my dreams come to pass as much as i want them too.

a broken clock is a comfort

2009-07-17T03:06:00.000-07:00

i'm falling apart, i'm barely breathing.
with a broken heart,that's still beating
in the pain, there is healing
in your name, i find meaning
so i'm holding on,i'm holding on, i'm holding on
barely holding on to you.

i don't think i blogged about this yet but saturdays message (on the 11th of July) really really touched my heart.
Dr Brenard was sharing about how sometimes in our life, we seek meaning in different things, in fame, in our talents,in our financial stability etc and this becomes our self identity and our provision. but these things don't last. if they define us and one day they are stripped away from us, we will lose our self definition and all that we think we are.

i have to admit that sometimes other things get to my head and God isn't the number one person in my life. like sometimes music is something i find my meaning in and it is what i feel is the only stability in my life. there's nothing wrong in treasuring your talents and investing time in them but when the focus shifts from God to it, it gets messy.

i don't think i shared this on my blog yet,but afew weeks ago i found out that i didn't make it into teenage band bv. and i really was dissapointed and was trying to reason to find out what went wrong. it just irked me,that i had the chance and i blew it. although i thought i sang okay but it wasn't good enough,and a lot of negative thoughts struck me again and again,and i was really torn apart.because i was dissapointed,and MJ was the one that nominated me for the audition,and i was the only one he picked from our zone,i just felt as if i let him down. i like to think that handle failures well,but the truth is that i don't really take them that well. singing is something that i really treasure and its something i want to do well in,in the future. and it stung,not getting what i wanted,that something i was more confident in compared to others.
i finally released it to God a week ago,because there is really no use in getting sad and upset over something that is totally out of my control and that is already over,i can't change anything.
last time i really couldn't understand why one of my cellgroup members was really sad when she didn't pass her choir auditions. the sinking feeling you get,it just sucks. but i've decided to Let go and Let God work in my life.
i am going to work harder and not take whatever i have for granted.

its not mine,but God it is all yours.

pills,antibiotics and my dying voice.

2009-07-17T02:37:00.000-07:00

hey guys.
have been on mc today and yesterday
i know like i have this notorious name"girl that always falls sick and gets mc" written all over my face.
i needa take better care of myself la(:
as for updates:i can talk alittle,voice is keenda soft,can't sing though.
i tried and results were horrible
SAD):
I NEED TO GETWELLSOON.this sucks.
thanks to all for the updates from school and those that ringed me
ey rachel,buy me a mini whiteboard,can't find one at home lol!

blessed.

2009-07-15T01:40:00.000-07:00

the birthday was bomb

was fun,

the celebrations before that and all.

cos on the 13th itself i had to study so i didnt get to do anything.sigh

but on the 14th i ate icc with faustina,e,amanda,sam,faiz and had some time to just take a break.

pictures up later.

and i love the prezzies.

OKAY,on to the less materialistic stuff,

i really want to thank everyone for everything

all the bday wishes,hugs,sweet smses that bombed me,facebook wall messages,presents...

all the people that have been there for me throughout this high-low year

on your birthday you feel really humbled(okay well i do) to know that there are many people that love you and that really want you to succeed and want your dreams/ambition to come to pass as much as you do.

its just good to know.

a new year,older,hopefully wiser.

i already sort of know what i want to do in the future,so now is my time to 'train' and get myself ready!

pressies were really nice.

1)IPOD classic 120GB from mum and dad

2) 2 pairs of flats from Charles and Kieth

3)bag from Aldo(:

4)dress and stretchbelt!

5)DOMO!

6)new vest

7)$180 worth of angbao money(:

8)bodyshop bodygel and sponge

9)a lbd from paige!

10)sesame street boxers from karen

11)neon and patterned plaster set and headband/scarf/belt from BFF(:

12)4th dimension book from cg(:

13)pencil tin from paperchase

so this is it for now,but i'm really really satisfied and thankful and grateful for all of these things(:

i'm really tired

and my voice is too.

haven't and can't sing for this two weeks.sucks la,having a sorethroat!.

one thing to be happy for

A Math spring test 11/20 (second in my class)YES(:

our love's the perfect crime.

2009-07-10T00:23:00.000-07:00

what a day was today.
e math test was okay,the last part of the last question was alittle more than i bargained for.
I NEED SONGWRITING INSPIRATIONNNN.
i NEED TO WRITE A SONG.NOW.

okay sorry about that.
let's continue.
i'm going to trim my hair today and hopefully the hairdresser will give me some bangs or a fringe at least(:
i want!
the thing is taking darn long to download.
Emmanuelle,why's torrent so slowwwwwwwwww.
or isit just my comp?

oh man.
english oral went great!
had fun actually though the passage was challenging.
lets see what happens.

3 more days to THE day.
i can't wait!
for presents.haha no la not just that
this year was one of my toughest
with new challenges and new adventures.
can't wait to blow the candles out and celebrate!

i was telling faustina that i feel that i am still childish in the area of relationships(that's why,i'm not ready!)
i still really depend on feelings.thats why i get over crushes and infactuations fast or really really slowly.
can you imagine,if you date and one day you lose that feeling.
do you break up with your b.f because of that?
no right?!
but at the current position i am at,if i were at a situation like that, i might just do that.
i'm still a kid,i know some part of me still is.
i'd like to think i'm mature and all, but well imaturity is something that fades away with time.

forever we will be, you and me.

2009-07-08T04:25:00.000-07:00

YOUTH DAY WAS AWESOMEEE

spent it with nicole at:

tuition

her place

sakae sushi

Ministry of Food-Bugis.

was a great day with great food and great company and great self made music

went to her place to practice cheena oral and taught her guitar

kept playing those songs ie: taylor swift ones (have to admit they aren't my fave) but it was fun playing and having fun.

to me,its that simple.

guitar=fun(:

Have our pics in my phone,but i gtg nowww,

will upload on f.b, or

maybe,here!

lets see

you asked me when is my birthday cos you want to get me something.
dude,let me just say this.the BEST GIFT you can give me is for you to just
LEAVE ME ALONE. i'm not angry,just for your own good, just LEAVE ME ALONE.

the best thing.

2009-07-08T04:17:00.000-07:00

OH MAN.
15 in....5 more days!overwhelming(:

oral's over,
i'm happy!
but i kinda screwed it,cos i spoke in english.
HA,only one word la, 'sorry'.
i kept saying it in english lol.
the convo question was about what kind of person was a successful person,in my opinion.
i said that a successful person is a happy person.
a person that knows how to enjoy their life and treasure those around them.
even though a person may be successful in their work place and have lots of money,if they aren't happy,healthy and have lasting friendships,that person is far from successful.
a segment of the question asked about my aspirations.
i said,
'my dream is to be someone in the entertainment industry,if not i want to do music,be it performing as an artiste or being a songwriter,cos i love music and i love to sing. for now, i will get my foundations right and try my best to do well in school because even if i am talented, i need a good degree/resume. and as for my interests, i am starting now by learning how to improve. i take singing classes and i feel that it is never too early to start focussing on your dream and taking action'.

what do you think?that was my oral answers.
ha,but it wasn't that smooth cos i translated from english to chinese.
zomg,GOD PLEASEEE HELP MEEEE(:
needa do well for normal chinese man.

Miss Yeoh called mummy today.
she says i have improved in my attitude and if i keep working hard like i am,now, she thinks i'll do really well in e math.
thanks(: means alot.
for i time i thought my math sucks sheeet and theres like nothing i can do about it
but that's not true,
keep trying,until you shine.

awesome saturday

2009-07-05T08:48:00.000-07:00

haven't blogged about saturday(yesterday)
well like the title suggests, it was really awesome(:
enjoyed serving in choir at the decentralised service. was a really fun first,wouldn't mind doing it again(:
it was fun cos everyone in the choir was cheering their heart out,screaming and woohoo-ing during praise,really raised the atmosphere in the place and it was great being part of the team.
decentralised service was good,the flow was good,the people were the ones that really made the party.the people were the party.
human monopoly with my cell and E464 after decentralised was really fun!though we didn't manage to finish all the stations but it was fun fellowshipping and slacking. love those guys(:
one down side,my pretty cotton on multicolored checkered pumps kinda broke apart(the glue starting seperating itself from the sole) and i stepped on an red ants nest and i had red ants all over my legs.
it was so freeegging traumatising man. and i was freaking out(thank God i didn't scream) and all the cell members were helping me(thanks guys) . when i looked up, i saw MJ standing on the bench,giving the debrief! was so caught up in my sticky mess that i didn't pay attention!uhoh.
gave him an apologetic smile and went to a corner to get my feet in some sand.

these people saved my life: Jiji, reena,candice and seah hui. those that lent me their spare shoes
and jiji, for bravely picking up my ant infested pumps. thanks dears.
lastly:

thanks NICOLE for coming down,hope you had fun with me and the rest. it was fun teaching you guitar,looking forward to seeing you tmr at cheena oral tuition and later to my place and to dinner. haha i'm gonna teach you again tmr(: love it.

bad habits.

2009-07-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

i need to:

stop swearing. stopped using the big F but i use little ones. like they say, a small one is still a bad one. so, i need to stop.
be a little less judgemental and critical. its okay to analyse and know what people are like, but not to a point where i judge them. sometimes i find myself in that situation.
be more polite to dad
listen more and be more CHILLED. haha. gerald told me one day i needa chillax and listen. i agree.thanks for telling me.
learn to let go of the past mistakes and stop replaying the bad movies of failure in my head. this one is a tough one. of course i love myself and i accept that i am human and that i am bound to screw up but it is also hard to let go of such bad experiences.
get down to being more disciplined and organised. discipline is what i need(other than skill,personality..etc) to get me far in what i desire to do in the future.
CHILL. did i say that already?ha. and more importantly, continue to Let go and Let God.
start working hard

life isn't about not ever making mistakes. it is about being aware of who you are,what you love,those that love you and also about knowing your blind spots and weaknesses so those weaknesses don't end up controlling you.

this one's for you.

2009-07-05T07:11:00.000-07:00

okay.
so i did it.
i told Jiji that if i wrote a song about it i would feel much better.
and true enough,i did and i do.
he sent me loads of smses yesterday and today(around 10) but i was unfazed.
i got my get back by writing a song.
doesn't hurt anyone plus i feel better.
so here it is :The nicest way i can actually say this to you.

music and lyrics: amanda
(may change the melody.still not that pleased with it)
date and time: 4 July 2009, 23:32
inspirations? : wierd stuff and his wierd smses and last conversation with Shalynne

She asked me
why i was so bothered by you
it's disturbing
cos you text me all thats on your mind
and i barely know you.

ask me why girls like to shop
give me your housephone number
tell me about that new pair of shoes
and about when you go out to dinner
ask me if i am pissed
and ask about some brown cap
i've been mum for too long
can't you read the signs
it spells i'm not interested.

i don't care
about knowing what you want from me
i'm just going to shut this out
and let you be
oh i'm not gonna get nervous
when you try your tricks on me
i don't need
and i don't want to know
don't tell me please

i told my friend
unless you save my life
you won't get into my good books for a period of time
i used to be so naive
until you showed me that guys can be
what you are.

ask me why girls like to shop
give me your housephone number
tell me about that new pair of shoes
and about when you go out to dinner
ask me if i am pissed
and ask about some brown cap
i've been mum for too long
can't you read the signs
it spells i'm not interested.

i don't care
about knowing what you want from me
i'm just going to shut this out
and let you be
oh i'm not gonna get nervous
when you try your tricks on me
i don't need
and i don't want to know
don't tell me please

so this is it
the nicest way i can actually say this to you
i can't scream
so i'll let this song do the talking

i don't care
about knowing what you want from me
i'm just going to shut this out
and let you be
oh i'm not gonna get nervous
when you try your tricks on me
i don't need
and i don't want to know
don't tell me please

thank God its friday

2009-07-03T00:49:00.000-07:00

haha.
10 more days to bday.

tmr is the decentralised service. can't wait!going to be serving in choir.
have always wanted to join but my parents won't let cos of my 101 commitments.
ROAR,that's why age is a factor.
in 10 more days i'll be a year older, and hopefully, wiser.

thanks felicia for yesterday night.
i really didn't mean to cry but it was comforting crying with you on the phone.
thanks for being there,for always being my best friend no matter how screwed up i get.
love you loads for all you are and for being my bff.
lmao,i sound so cheezy. but girl,get the point. I LOVE YOUUUUU!
haha(:
come tmr,want to show you someone.haha.remember?

chanced upon a blog and there was a blog where the writer was telling this person to just get lost,stop messing with her,and even if he smsed her again(he already did alot of times) she will still ignore him.

i am in the same dillema.
i need to write a song about it.
ha.
so far all the guys that hit on me(okay i am not boasting,it is NOTHING AT ALL to be proud of) are all so damn wierd. they look good or the very least, decent. but they are all so stalkerish. and scary.
why can't they just see the light? and stop wanting casual relationships?
and snap out of their obnoxious imaturity?
i mean they are just wasting their smses and calls on me
and i don't give a shit about them.
i sound brutal.
maybe i am?well to guys like them, i am.
SO,
back to the point,
why can't they just settle for friendships?
cos when you try so hard,its firstly
gross and secondly,
really desperate.
you just make me raise my brows
and make my friends go "omg" "what the hell?he did that?" and me go
"NEXT!"
ha.no la, i don't actually say that
but in my mind,its already marked that you aren't going to be anything or anyone to me.

okay i have said my piece.
hopefully,i also have drived into your mind these words
"leave me alone, despo guys, i bite. seriously, you won't want that, i'm so serious you are going to run,like a scared little boy,which you are on the inside."

2009-07-01T04:04:00.000-07:00

even the strongest may fall.
even the bravest may stumble.
people can prove you wrong,time and time again that you don't know them as well as you think you do.

12 more days to my birthday.

2009-07-01T03:53:00.000-07:00

GET ME SOMETHING.
haha.

what i want?

new shoes.LOTS OF THEM. two of mine kinda broke.
new vests.i'm thinking of around 2
new highwaisted skirts.
more topman stuff(:
STEFANIE SUN CONCERT TIX!
new clothing of course. i want a tracyeinny spree!
new guitar. i want a vintage one
new water bottle.
more dresses please
makeup. looking for good peach blush for that sunkissed glow and peach lipgloss.eyeing canmake's lippy.
BENEFIT STUFF(:
did i say i want more clothes?!
accessories(:from diva and topshop.
a new watch!
boyfriend blazer. a long and lean one.
a better voice.and more songwriting inspiration. aha you can't buy that with money.
better chinese skills
better relationships with my friends and loved ones.
that wierdos would just leave me alone. go hit on others.
more opportunities in the music area(:
better guitar skills.
to get into teenage band. hey its been so long and i don't even know the results,lol.
better grades. I NEED THEM SO BAD.
renewed sense of purpose.
growth in my life!
maturity. it doesn't come with age but well,you know.

A little longer

2009-07-01T02:42:00.000-07:00

wrote a new song just yesterday.
was walking around my room,taking a break from studying and i was looking at an old family photo with my late grandpa in it.
it was his eightieth birthday and in less than a year,he went to be with God.
memories and things just began to flood me and it was quite hard for me as i wrote this song and as i strummed on the guitar.
heartbreaking but raw,i felt the vibe of the song was.
okay,enough of an intro. here it is- A little longer

A little Longer
music and lyrics: Amanda,30th June 09.
muse:old family picture,grandpa.

It was just months ago
when you sat there last
i remember that smile
as you cut your cake
you were eighty then
then in a few months,
you were gone.
hearts were broken as we sang
you're favourite song
its too late for me to regret
grandpa, all i can do is hold on to whatever we had
it dawned on me
you'd never come back.
they say you're happy with God
but i still wished that

You could have
stayed alittle longer
I stopped beggin gGod
but i wished it was clearer.
what's the use of crying for loss
I'm so sorry
if i didn't give you all the love
all the love
you deserved.
still i wished you
stayed a little longer.

On the day they cremated you
my eyes burned with tears
as i saw you go through the fire
they say life is short
and now,
i finally believe them.

its too late for me to regret
grandpa, all i can do is hold on to whatever we had

it dawned on me
you'd never come back.
they say you're happy with God
but i still wished that

You could have
stayed alittle longer
I stopped beggin gGod
but i wished it was clearer.
what's the use of crying for loss
I'm so sorry
if i didn't give you all the love
all the love
you deserved.
still i wished you
stayed a little longer.

wait for me
wait for me
i'm running after you
wait for me
wait for me
God don't take him away
till i've grabbed hold of you
wait for me
wait for me
don't say its too late
don't smile and slip away.

i still wished that

You could have
stayed alittle longer
I stopped beggin gGod
but i wished it was clearer.
what's the use of crying for loss
I'm so sorry
if i didn't give you all the love
all the love
you deserved.
still i wished you
stayed a little longer.

H1N1 feverrr

2009-06-30T04:32:00.000-07:00

as everyone already knows,
h1n1 has hit Singapore and because of that,
my parents have put me on a 3day self quarentine
NOT because i have anything wrong with me(i mean,what could possibly be wrong?!)
but its just to take precautions.
i thought my FMs would freakout but they were very cool with it when my parents talked to them.
i feel bad cos i'm sorta ponning school,with my parent's consent.
am sure lots of my classmates are like rolling their eyes,thinking "okay so she's absent again"
haha.
but i've been studying at home okay!
hahaw(:

the days following the end of the zone camp were special to me,
got to ring up and chat with some of the rest and it was just a nice feeling knowing that i have friends like them.

sometimes i ask God why all the wierd guys like..hit on me.
i'll elaborate in the future

2009-06-30T04:15:00.000-07:00

finally changed my skinn.
YAY loveit. its so journal-ish don't you think?
yes i know my cbox isn't up yet.
grr,okay NEXT post.

2009-06-27T00:52:00.001-07:00

i need to write another post cozzz the video's too huge and its covering my entire side bar.
sorta
okay so this is just rubbishhh.
ha(:
school's starting on monday and i feel like the holidays have kinda flown over my head.
they passed so fast! its crazy!
until now i am still harboring some hopes that tomorrow the moe will spring a suprise on us and tell us that there isn't gonna be school on monday.
haha.LAZY me!
okay i'll stop procresinating and get a cbox in place
hee.
cya.
bye.
expo here i come.
now.

2009-06-27T00:48:00.001-07:00

bye michael j.

i know that all the singers and musicians and fans are all mourning at the loss of this man

of course, i remember the times that i felt that he was such a wierdo and my parents would point at the newspaper with his face on it and say he's "wierd"

but you can't deny the undeniable.

he left a mark and impression.not just with his kinda wild life but with his music.

that's something that's worth remembering and getting inspired by.

like all the rest, i'd say

rest in peace Michael j.

2009-06-27T00:48:00.000-07:00

bye michael j.

i know that all the singers and musicians and fans are all mourning at the loss of this man

of course, i remember the times that i felt that he was such a wierdo and my parents would point at the newspaper with his face on it and say he's "wierd"

but you can't deny the undeniable.

he left a mark and impression.not just with his kinda wild life but with his music.

that's something that's worth remembering and getting inspired by.

chanced upon this Gabe Bondoc Man in the Mirror cover.

like it(:

like all the rest, i'd say

rest in peace Michael j.

2009-06-27T00:38:00.000-07:00

what's the use of winning the argument
when you leave others or another with a bruised spirit and disillusioned?
that's why i learnt that there's a fine line between bickering to win and making your stand in love, to edify and to correct gently.

there's a huge difference.

i've been a victim of a selfish kind of love
-michael jackson,man in the mirror

2009-06-27T00:17:00.001-07:00

HELLO WORLD.

i am finally back from camp.which was awesome by the way
camp reminded me that i really have alot of good friends around me which are really so precious and it reminded me not to take anything for granted.
bonding time with the helpers at macs after camp was great.fantastic.
i mean that's what friends are for; not just to edify and encourage you in what you believe in, but people you can actually share your heart with, even if they aren't good feelings that you are feeling,you can let them know.
thanks guys.
adora,jiji,gloria,gerald,eunice.
you guys are awesome(:

came back from camp with more inspiration.
half the time in macs i was dying to get home to write something with my guitar.
and yep,what comes doesn't go so fast as long as you keep thinking about it.
so yay,new song(: i want more!

finally finished heymath.which killed my brain.
the emath was wayyyyyyyyy easy compared to a math.
a math was ...bad.
oh sheeeet i have chem tuition left still.zomgz.shut up.

2009-06-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

OH MAN!
the skins keep failing me
this is driving me nuts.
okay forget it will try get it straightened out asap,but not now(:
singing lessons tmr,not done with practice yet..
and youth band results are not out yet..
WAITING(:

2009-06-16T20:16:00.001-07:00

NEW SKINN(:
yay, i like it,but it's not broad enough.
will stay with this new skin for a little bit.

the thief-jesse barrera covering Brooke Fraiser.

2009-06-16T03:23:00.001-07:00

lyrics:
Your eyes are full
Full of the future of us
The air changes as you look across
At me in that wondering way

It is as if
I knew you before we spoke
Do our hearts know something we don't?
Converging, conspiring, without giving us any say

CHORUS
You sing me to sleep
Talk down my walls
Look through my windows as I wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to

You're ruining me
With secrets and gestures and looks
With sonnets in second-hand books
Playing the chords in me nobody knew how to play

CHORUS
You sing me to sleep
Talk down my walls
Look through my windows as I wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to

BRIDGE
It fits in your hand like the water in rain
Unlocks our two different selves
And shows we are the same
Rather than wait til I
Put me out for the taking
You're breaking
You're breaking
You're breaking into my heart
and I'm letting you

Your eyes are full
Full of the future of us...

awesome cover,check him out on youtube

something i just thought up in my head.

2009-06-16T02:12:00.000-07:00

isn't it interesting

that there are some people

that seem to have it all

living life,and standing tall

its like even the biggest storm couldn't cause their fall

and suddenly

they lose it all

living day to day

blaming anyone on the phonebook page

can't say i'm unsympathetic

but we've all seen this before

how miss or mr perfect

just lost every ounce of their once perfect self.

this isn't a mockery song

i mean who would want to come to the end of themselves

so fast

you used to be so independent

now your hangover doesn't end

like a once beautiful ball of yarn

unrevelled to the thinnest thread

you didn't see this coming i bet

you had it all

One more thing,notice the missing braces?

2009-06-16T01:40:00.000-07:00

bye bye braces of three years

got them out like 2 weeks ago

it still feels wierd without metal in my mouth,but i like my smile alot better.

one word: IPOD

2009-06-16T00:49:00.000-07:00

what can i say,an ipod makes you smile.

especially a 120 gb one.

the post with alot of 'finally's

2009-06-16T00:29:00.000-07:00

my bad,
for being so lazy and not updating this blog.
quite alot of stuff happened this past few days when i haven't blogged
eg:

i finally FINALLY got my IPOD classic from the PC FAIR. thanks mum and dad.

its supposedly half of my bday prezz.

i watched Ghost of Girlfriend's Past. it was sweet,and yeah,i cried abit. it was quite predictable,storyline wasn't spectacular but it was sweet!
FINALLY watching Hannah Montana Movie (raises eyebrows) next week with karen on friday. i know its a kids show, but its the holidays right?surely there's some room for chick flicks!
FINALLY(okay i'm guilty of overusing this word) going out shopping with Susie on friday. i need some retail therapy!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY i know how to apply eyeliner.okay you can go ahead and laugh,but i have a confession to make, i am rather hopeless with makeup. love them, have quite alot of them,but am not sure how to use them.
FINALLYYY got my capo. i've been like wanting one for the longesttt of times,but everytime i wanted to buy,the thing was sold out. sucks.
FINALLY started my homework.this week.and i am happy to say i am half way through(:
FINALLY it's week two. youth band results!

HOWWWW

2009-06-10T20:47:00.001-07:00

1 p
1w
article
hw
still not done!
and i need by tmr!
and i am going out the whole of today!
oh no.....

she's a lady, and ladies shouldn't be messed with

2009-06-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

i guess the title says it all!
so far,
all my teachers in school and previous tution teachers/extra activity teachers never really scolded me or disciplined me before
except for the occasional flops i make,but on a whole, not much problems.
cos i always try to stay out of trouble of any kind. you know.
now all the teachers in my life(those outside school) are really fierce.
and they don't flinch when they give you a good scolding or when they tell you that you have a million and one problems.
and yea,they are all women.
was listening to She's a Lady by Forever the Sickest Kids and i felt that its really true,

ladies are not to be messed with
my irritation aside, i see myself becoming more disciplined and pushing myself harder so as to avoid scolding. and that's a good thing. and of course though at first i was frustrated when it happened quite a few times, i know its for my own good.
and i know why i get scolded(well after they explain themselves when they've chilled down)
yea sometimes i go crazy especially when i try to work at it but somehow,it doesn't work and i end up getting chided again.

in that area, i know i have alot to improve on,never knew i was doing so many things wrong.
its okay, i will hang in there.
i want this. bad. and i'm fine if i get scolded half the time 2 times a week.
i am really okay with that but i'm not going to let it stay that way anymore.
i'm going to buck up.
if i need to practice more, i will.
shocked?yea! i didn't know she had such a scary ________.
but i need to improve and want to. i know the scoldings are going to stop.

kris allen.again.

2009-06-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

i still like Kris Allen's cover of Heartless

heard it over a gazillion times but never get sick of it.

this is a vid of him performing on Ellen(:

okay i was sick of No Boundaries ever since i adopted the habit of listening to radio everyday cos 98.7,98 and 91.3 fm kept playing it over and over and over again

i heard it so much that i wanted scream.it was like so irritating

hearing it over and over again

but this version he did on Ellen was great.awesome.stuff.

learning to play Chris Tomlin's song God of the City

Kris Allen did a cover of that song too!

i'm not particularly fond of Kris Allen and wasn't either when the whole Idol thing was on

but one thing that impressed me when i read an interview with him in People mag was this statement he made

" I want to make music such that whether you like or dislike it, you respect it"

there is beauty in the breaking

2009-06-08T03:28:00.000-07:00

this is was something i wrote afew weeks ago
alot of people,including me,are in a period of transition
from some place that was certain to a place that we are not even sure we should be heading
this may be something you'd be able to relate to,i don't know
(came up with everything-the melody,the chords,the lyrics except the title!zomg,i don't know what to call this one)

Everything's so new to you
and the past seems so close
you can't help but be tempted to look back
images of your unperfect life
your mistakes and fears swarm you like a whirlwind
what do you do now
what do you do now

Reach out that hand's gonna save you
you're safe now
don't think that you're falling
cos I've caught you now
who ever said it was easy
to start again with a hazy future
but hang on
it sounds cliche
but
somehow things will sort themselves out
somehow things will work in their way
for you

2009-06-08T03:06:00.000-07:00

cuz lately i've been tired and uninspired

skeletons in my closet

2009-06-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

oh man
i seriously didn't know i had so many things in my wardrobe!
clearing it out today before i go for e math sup at school,seriously i wish i didn't need to go.
this week looks promisingly....busy

tuesday:
emath sup
evening prayer meeting,rvrwalk(i'm trying to go)

wed:
e math tuition
singing lessons
evening pm

thurs:
a math tuition
outing with aunty Kyrie at vivo(:

friday:
singing lessons
sos bs @ expo

and i want to squeeze 2 movies in this week,will try.
watching a new hongkong drama,great stuff.
the prob is that it's pirated,so there's no english subtitles. have to read chinese ones!
but so far so good.
i can actually follow the story well!

changing the chatbox

2009-06-07T20:41:00.000-07:00

hi guys
i'm changing my chatbox from today on, so to write me a note do use the new one(:
my cbox is blocked by the trendmicro software so i don't get to read what you guys write to me.
so cya and have fun(:

OH WHAT A SATURDAY

2009-06-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

yea,
what a day it was yesterday.
prayer meeting was really an explosive time and was really blessed by the ministry time and the word that i heard from God.
bv auditions later with Seah Hui after service and for once i thought time passed very quickly in the service.
the audition went...okay i think
the judges were really nice,esp alison
i forgot the lyrics the first time, did it the second time
mixed up a line from both parts of the chorus.
oh man.
so i'll just pray and hope for the best,yea.
another 2 weeks to go and i'll find out!
i want it really, but we'll see(:

I DIG LATE NIGHTS IN WITH MR TV

2009-06-04T07:36:00.000-07:00

yes
i have been hooked on late night tv
love project runway and tim gunn's guide to fashion
and
prisonbreak!yippee its back!
and michael and sara tencreddi are reunited(: hah
csi
and criminal minds.
love channel five.

kristy are you doing okay

2009-06-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

heard so many songs on the radio this week

despite the fact that i listened to this song maybe tens of times but i really like it

and the message is haunting.

wildflower

2009-06-04T07:14:00.000-07:00

the last few days of this week were kinda crazy
from tuitions,to taking out my braces after so long, to the bomb that was dropped on me when i was doing q.t, to my new habit of listening to the radio everyday.....
went out with felzy on monday(: was fun,hanging with my bff after so long,i mean its great the way we can pick up where we left everytime we meet even if we don't see each other so often(:
excited for tmr; SOS lesson 2! and singing class at Sherlyn's
saturday is the day i'm lookingg forward to!

Lady GaGa's coming to singapore! but i don't think i'm going cuz tickets are not those you purchasable;needa win them!

i want to catch: Hannah Montana the movie, state of play, ghost of girlfriend's past....

anyone up for a movie marathon?

2009-05-30T00:52:00.001-07:00

I LOVE TRACYEINNY.COM.SG
i rather stuff from there than those you can get from malls
and the prices are delish too

love,time,space.

2009-05-30T00:07:00.000-07:00

When your arms
They wont let me go
Of me
So hold you back
Its all I know
How to do
When your love falls down with you
Id give it all

click five-i quit i quit i quit.

2009-05-30T00:03:00.000-07:00

not bad(:

blown away

2009-05-29T23:52:00.000-07:00

yesterday's bs with pst Kong was awesomeeee
it was very exciting,for me especially as i saw how easy it was to understand it
reached home later at around 11 plus. but thanks mum and dad for not getting pissed(:
today's emerge. can't wait!
woke up doing q.t and practiced guitar cos i needa show sha today.zomgz skin on my finger pads are peeling.ouchhh
talked to felicia today and it was great to hear her voice again.
i miss her alotttt! hopefully sakae sushi buffet together on monday yea?

audition is next sat 8pm. i still don't know what to do.

schools out; rant's in.

2009-05-29T00:22:00.000-07:00

so today was the last day of school
sure didn't feel like it
for one, i was feeling terrible. and frustrated.
its not good to rant, and i am sorry if i have been feeling negative these few days but i guess that's what life's about.you have some good things,and other bad stuff too.

look.
i already did what i needed to;and went beyond that.
you said you wanted everything to be okay.
i tried to make that happen but are you treating me like everything is okay?
we have unsettled business but its clear to me that we both don't want to settle it.
and it seems like you don't want to bury the hatchet.
i don't know why this has been causing me so much trouble lately.and yes
i wish that that thing never happened.
i'm not going to try anymore. i'll just fricking leave you alone,thats what you want right?

i didn't mean to cry today.
today was supposed to be a happy day,lets just say that things go wrong sometimes
it just hit me on the head how alone i really feel
how i feel as if i really cannot relate to or pour my guts out to anyone in my class
i want to try to be accepting but sometimes i do wonder,will people accept me?
i don't fit in sometimes, and i am not the sort that will do things to make sure i do.
am i too stubborn,and is that the reason why i am here now?
its easy for others to say that things happen naturally and that if you try you can make close friends.
i don't need to convince myself.i just look around at everyone and like somehow i am not optimistic of that happening.
i don't think i want the moon or something.
i just feel lonely. i hate that word. i hate to feel that way.
i know its not true to tell myself that i don't have friends,because i do.
i just feel far away.
far far away from alot of people.

and there has been a change in something and i am not used to it.
it is a challenge,really for me to breakthrough.
the way Sha puts it sounds really easy but i just haven't broken through this barrier i have with this person. i really need the love of God.
zomg.

thank God i can wake up knowing that monday is the start of the holidays.

i just want you

2009-05-26T03:18:00.000-07:00

so many things are happening so fast
results haven't been my idea of extraordinary
people haven't been my idea of trustworthy,true, and ideal.
you even dislike certain things you see in your confidantes.
its just like that.
i mean;perfect people don't exist. everyone has flaws.
but some people fail you ,you know and after all the drama you'd just get alittle dissillusioned.
anyway. i am still undecided. should i still audition for Youth Band?
i know MJ signed me up
but i have alot on my plate.i really want this.but i need to fix my math grades for next time.
in a dilemma.
i know its a great opportunity to learn and have loadsa fun
but amanda, are you up to it?

butterfly fly away

2009-05-26T02:06:00.000-07:00

what a day it was, again. today
passed chem,failed math.
sad-ed.
mum's not upset;thank God. she's been fantastic(:
on to serious stuff.

i am just sick of this.
why do i keep feeling inferior to her?
why do i always compare myself to her?
everytime she puts herself down,whines,speaks of her high expectations of herself,of how almost everything is unfair, i can't help but feel sick. and lousy.
no one can make me feel what i feel.
i try to control myself and my emotions. i don't know why this got me so bad.
oh yeah,if you are reading and you think i am talking about you,
it has been hard. i don't have the guts to tell you it upfront cos it will hurt you,me,and our relationship and its very sensitive.
you are a good person, by definition. and we are tight.
but this has been bothering me.
i don't want any resentment,or to bury this for too long. so i have to spit it out.

2009-05-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

sometimes
we have to be lost to find ourselves

I WANT

2009-05-23T00:35:00.001-07:00

havent blogshopped in ages.

and theres so much i want

and after seeing so many pretty things i couldn't be bothered to upload all them here cos there are LOADS of stuff i want!!!!!

f21 and topman/topshop spree QUICK!zomg.

I NEED moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

friday doesn't feel like friday.

2009-05-22T23:23:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a heck of a day.
was rushing from point A to B and had a few unpleasant suprises ie: A MATH marks.
english was okay i guess,though i didn't get an A this time but am very satisfied with compos and summary. compre was kinda screwed up.
cheena.I PASSED.omg.and dot doesn't believe i take higher chinese. its time i start living up to my higher chinese name.
A Math was a disaster. i didn't burst into tears like a lot of others. shocked?hell yeah i was; but i sorta had an inkling when i did the paper that it wouldn't be that fantastic.
my parents were very understanding about it and they were in very good moods when i went home late from cg yesterday. THANK YOU GOD.
Installation went good. peektures next time(:
performance with beth was fun! was kinda nervous before; but isn't that what its about?
you feel nervous, and tell yourself"please don't screw up or the audience is gonna throw eggs at you"(well they won't but thats what i told myself to loosen up)
but when you go and do what you know how, you have fun and have this rush,
which is addictive. when you have alittle, you want more.
rushed to mrt after that
then to macs to grab dinner
then to pasir ris
then to jan's place for cg
yesterday was a great cg meeting; the atmosphere of praise and thanksgiving and the hunger we had for the presence of God was really elevated to another level.
was very blessed by the ministry time and the word.
I NEED TO STOP SWEARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
walked to the mrt alone,and at night.its quite dark(to me it was very dark cos i was alone)
so i walked very very fast;and then i just heard the Holy Spirit say "I am with you"
and for the remaining journey though i was scared, i just started humming,and singing softly and i really felt the presence of God. amazing!
i just realised something about myself. these days i perspire really easily!

kris and adam's covers of No Boundaries. still like that song.zomg

2009-05-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

HOLIDAYS COME SOON.LIKE NOW

2009-05-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

today was an okay day.just am terribly tired.
zomg. but i am happy i did my essay, like it.
today was in school with bad flu, using nearly 3 packs of tissue and sneezing and coughing crazily, it was just bad.
watched american idol finale wasn't like, blown away but i must say Kara writes great stuff. she wrote No Boundaries, this years idol song, and i kinda like it.
whose going to win? i don't know. was like sure that adam was gonna crash it but he was okay. thats well, my own opinion.
going to turn in for some sleep soon.
wrote something today and i am thrilled.yay.

2009-05-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

FELICIA-date is coming my way soon. and i can't wait
i absolutely miss her so so so much.
ZING-lunch-date too. i bet we are gonna spend 2 hours talking again before we dig into lunch
ALETHEA-coleb. can't wait. she plays the piano like nobody's business. can't wait(:
BLOOD DONATION this sat.zomg. ha(: after that embarassing episode(Darryl knows.)
INSTALLATION in like 3 days
and script checking too
and AMERICAN IDOL like tmr
i don't support anyone. how nice of me right?
i supported alison but she got the boot so i don't side Lambert or Kris.

i am so tired now, yawn
i still have so much i need to do

1) understand alpha betta
2) do the elearning a math test
3) re-do a math mye
4) e and a math homework, a happy holiday present from Susan. how nice.
5) article for the english project. so sex ed or gracious society?!
6) research for geog project
7)contact list and job descript compilation. COGLs reading this PLEASE SEND ME QUICKKK!
8) thursday comic strip bio project thing
9) SAVE MONEY
10) SAVE MORE MONEY.
11) SLEEP.

2009-05-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

sometimes i do wonder after i do somethings stupid, what the hell i was thinking when i did stupid things.
like when i was harsh or mean to the people i love
when i do crazy things for..people you won't want to know about
when i just laugh like a total nutcase reading some chickflick and some of my friends stare at me in amusement
when i read too much into things.and like to assume small minor things are signs.
you know. don't tell me you have never.....
haha
i know i am crazy
i am not sweet. okay maybe i am sweet to those that know me well,but i'm not that kind of sweet to others
i am not bitter either. i have pissed off people before like.yeah i am sure you have
i am SALTY. i think that describes me best

what a day.

2009-05-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

school was okay;just that
i don't understand alpha betta;susan lim come back from hongkong quick! i need A MATH TUITION!
geog project,bio project,newspaper projects.THIS IS CRAZY. so many!!
i don't have the usual inspiration. was writing some songs when i got back;each of the many i wrote had some nice snippets in them so i cleverly extracted all those and came up with 1 piece. heh.
and another.
practice with beth today wasn't exactly practice. we just talked ALOT. heh and fooled around eating macdonalds which i must say,is pain-in-the-ass-ing expensive. i mean, for fried,nice tasting junk food, i pay $9.50?! zomg.
beth says folk-pop's my music style. is it?
talked to gerald over the phone after the practice,and his talk left me rather inspired.
to write again(i must admit it was sometime since i took the guitar with my paper and pen and just waited for something to come to me)
and dream big.
i am a sucker for cliches.as in of course i am aware they are rather... you know? but most of the time i do believe in such things.
so thanks gerald. psst, about what you spoke to me about, i wrote something about it.
i must really, stop procrestinating and like do something about my guitar playing
seriously.ROAR.
i'm not that pro in it. okay i am not pro, like i know basic chords and stuff, can arrange them in some fashion,churn out songs about stuff(okay quite alot,that i actually lost count of how many) but like, i don't want the songs i write to be boring.though they don't sound the same,but it will if i don't do anything. PLUS! i need to remember the goal:to play for cg.
at the rate i am going,it looks rather far away;but like gerald say,skills and spirituality are both equally important. i already have 1, i need to master my skills so i can really bless others.
for now, vocals.focus.yes.

I Just Want You cover

2009-05-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

was hunting for this song on youtube, stumbled on this cover

this guy has a good voice!

talking about church music, my name in the bulletin for the music recruitment thing was a pleasant suprise.

okay,correction;its not exactly a suprise. like as in i sorta knew but i didn't know that this was it,

you don't get me,do you?okay never mind(:

*crosses fingers for auditions*. i really want it!

learnt the lesson the hard way

2009-05-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

i know i am a late queen
not when i meet my girls to go shop or movies
or church or stuff like that
but i have a bad track record for singing classes
so far had 2-3 lessons and the first lesson
1) i was caught in the rain.
second lesson, i got lost.
third lesson, i was late,again, and lesson got cancelled!
omgz,talk about learning things the hard way.
was so looking forward to it but yeah
like Sherlyn said, i can't assume its okay and still have lesson when i am late
OH NO.
okay i need to do something about this late thing i have.

2009-05-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

lydia paek has a freaking awesome voice.

and i like her look.

check her out on youtube

cogls are love-d.

2009-05-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

all of us; only candice was missing from here. posting it cos its been donkey weeks ago or(GASP) months. cos these were from Easter!

ha,someone put this on fb(: or i'll do it when i can.

i miss you felz(:

2009-05-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

miss you an awesome load girl, all the best with the exams. ending next tues right?

excited for you.

take care,quirky birdy.

picture perfect.

2009-05-14T18:11:00.000-07:00

paige upload yours too!

so wrong, it's right

2009-05-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

SO
i am here waiting for the pictures to LOAD. ZOMG.roar!
tmr i have a crazy day ahead

one:
e-learning day ._.
two:
Sherlyn's place for singing class
three:
Susan's A MATH tuition
four:
Cellgroup(:
five:
busy-stuff at home.

excited for singing class.finally,after so long we are resuming. LOVE IT.

today was BE-AWESOME!

2009-05-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

haha,random
but seriously today was seriously kick-ass
tamp1 and tamp malls with paige and we had loads of fun
camwhoring in topshop,buying accessories at diva(thanks for the coupon darl!),buying clothes from topman(me) and split(paige)
and RAMEN GIRL! the movie was okay,so so but the ramen was seriously MOUTH WATERING. omg after that we both had ramen cravings(:
it was so funny cos we were at the apple shop and i noticed this FAB mac laptop and i realised that there was a photobooth function that let us take pictures with that laptop.
and there were so many effects (pop-art,etc) and yeah so we both decided to try it out,and camwhore. and halfway through the sales girl told us
"dui bu qi dan shi ni men bu ke yi zai dian pai zhao. wo de lao ban bu rang"
and i was SERIOUSLY embarassed man i mean after saying so loudly that that thing was great fun and how it was awesome,then we had to be disrupted and uh,yeah embarassed.heh.

typing alot cos i am waiting for the pictures to load so i can upload them.
caution: PIC SPAM

wordplay

2009-05-12T22:14:00.001-07:00

so far,so long. advice given;and criticisms tossed.
thought the see-saw will finally stop and let me get off
but it seems that everyone does want to see me continue
up and down.
the pace doesn't slow,it speeds up.
self-pity offers itself as a peacable solution
but have you ever thought of what it'll do to you
people say bad things happen to good people
did they say what happens to ordinary ones?
you find yourself helpless,
and can't stop yourself.
your heart is in a vault,
and you're loosing patience.
you've been there before,
but it didn't ever seem as hard as this.

tell me what i'll do without youtube?

2009-05-12T22:05:00.001-07:00

man,
it has been my entertainment system since....? can't remember when.
and i like the many unknown artistes that can be found there,that beat those teenyboppers hands down.omg.ha
listening to AJ Rafael now,amazing.

check out my new skin(:

2009-05-12T21:41:00.000-07:00

heeh
i actually liked the whole make-my-own-skin kinda thing
but now i think having a cbox would be nice.miss tagging and replying to messages.
so anyway,on with the blog post.
yesterday was fantastic
for one
the math paper didn't kill me.i thought it would,and it would be just,bad.
two
went to karen's. ate pizza,watched some slapstick movie about geeks(are they called nerds?)
anyone looking for a good laugh watch Drillbit Taylor.
after the movie,we just talked alot.and sang alot. and my fingers got really badly blistered playing the guitar.uh-oh.
did so many songs/covers/whatever you call them.
was great fun(:
three
dad and mum were very pleasant yesterday.could do whatever i wanted.please stay that way.
four
i'm going out on thursday to tamp1 with paige. i was there briefly,didn't get to splurge or sample the japanese food. oh and catching Ramen Girl. yay.

i'm thoroughly irritated.why can't i reach you when i need to?not your fault. just the,should i say, circumstances?

if no one will listen

2009-05-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

well.
now i am feeling it.
i am feeling bad
somewhat inferior
not living up to expectations that i think people i respect and love set for me
is this just in my mind?
i am feeling the pressure someone warned me about when i just started
i don't know
i know i can't please everyone
though i wish that sometimes i could.
i can't please myself
my parents
my friends
and other people i care about all at one go.
it just doesn't work that way.
this is one of the times i wished i could just do something right

make me glad

2009-05-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

YAY.majority of the exams are over
and i can kinda say that the studying wasn't a waste of time.
hoping that this time round it will be good
final paper on tuesday.CAN'T WAIT OMG
ha there are loads of stuff i want to do man
overdue shopping dates,crazy food spreeing,uniqlo and topman spreeeee!,movie dates,finally resuming vocal classes!!....
so much to do(:
Kara Dioguardi is my latest favourite singer-songwriter.
she is amazing man,vocal wise and the way she writes. so much deeper than i thought she would be. so this is one of my favourites
Lost-Kara Dioguardi

And yet another

2009-05-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

When i was young
she said you need to be older
to do such things
but now i'm done
finding solutions
when everyone treats life like
child's play

so this is what its like
to throw aside your innocence
so do you regret
stripping away protection
and coming as you are

So can anyone hear me
I know its dark quiet and lonely
but i need to just sing this to myself
you're far from the start
far from the start
push it hard
go all the way

i know you're sick of this
but hang in
hang on a thread.

midnight inspirations

2009-05-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

so this is one i wrote while studying
it touched me
so its up here.
this ones called It's Time

I'm lost again
been stranded for thousands of miles
holding my heart in hand
and trying to balance so i don't fall

Days will be long
months will grow strong
i will have to keep it up because

I want to be
who i want to be
i want to see
who i really am
don't want to apologise
for doing things the way i do
I really want to sing
my way to your heart
I don't know if i'd be
a shining star
really,
its about time
time i see me

call me silly.maybe i am.

sorry for the rambles

2009-05-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

unfortunately after that post
i do still have some more to rant

what do you do
when you really want something
and your parents keep telling you
you shouldn't go for it
how dangerous your dream is
how that particular thing won't be good for you
how they feel
you can have fun with it
but not take it seriously
i wish they could understand
but they don't,just yet
i told my mum one day
"what if this is really where God wants me to be?what will you do?"
she just said
"you have to be careful"
i can't say i am very sure.
but i know this is something i do want
and i won't hide it.
but it just sucks when your parents aren't that supportive.
it did dampen my spirits
i mean who knows,it may happen and it may not
but theres this thing in me
that wants to prove them wrong
that i can not only do this
but not lose myself

why do you think this is bad for me?i wish you could get it.

and it all comes back to you

2009-05-02T08:55:00.001-07:00

haven't been updating in a long time!
has been a crazy week again,with 3 exams this week
thankfully chinese went good.
church today was awesome with steve munsey
before going for service,
yesterday and today i was feeling crappy
and all the bad stuff started coming back to me
but something struck me today
what Shalynne said to us
"because God isn't your first place thats why you are not living a happy life!"
and i was like.YES THIS IS IT.this is the reason why i keeping slipping from high to low
why sometimes i shock myself with how weak i am
and this week interestingly i had this dream on a day i felt very good
i had a dream of me and him
and we were talking alot but i couldn't hear what we were saying
all i could hear was him say
"you need to believe in yourself more"
and i said
"teach me how"
and that was the end.
on that day i was in a good mood,feeling positive and happy;so i just dismissed it as a nice dream
but it came back to me when i just got stressed and irritable on thursday
i need to stop doubting
and start believing.
stop fearing
start having faith

blank.

2009-04-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel so shallow
like. yeah.
like what on earth.why on earth
do i keep thinking of things that i shouldn't think about?
one thing i can't figure out is why experimenting with the unknown is a large part of who i am
i know i keep writing poems,random quotes,stuff based on how i feel;which is most of the time centered around a person.
like now.
God oh God take a hold of me

its just because its you

2009-04-25T07:52:00.000-07:00

i can't help but fall apart when i see you
can't help but wish you saw me
looking back at you
say i'm a stupid girl
with a foolish wish
just so you know
there's something in your eyes
that haunt me to no end
that tell me

that maybe i need you to make me
make me yours

this is to the guy
who never really noticed
its okay if i always seem
somewhere else
i wish you saw my heart
i wished you saw my heart
just because its you

You make me glad

2009-04-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

i detest it when stuff are locked
locked doors that need some key i don't have
locked hearts that are shut out
locked blogs that you don't have access to
the last one is the one i hate the most
especially a locked blog of a someone.
it sucks

don't you love saturdays?

2009-04-18T08:23:00.000-07:00

well so today was a saturday
and FLUFFY before you ask me in your next letter if i saw ahem i didn't.
church was good and just hillarious. i love our dramatists.
they are awesome.
i can't believe this. mum just saw his facebook.
okay nevermind!
he wasnt the point of this post.
SO GETTING ON WITH THINGS
today was a good day in general
my cg members are the best.with a capital B
they actually ta pao-ed ice cream for me cos i didn't go for the ice cream party. thanks guys. and it tasted good!
sh*t i am not thinking straight now.
i shall just not say anything.
sorry for the super anti climax post.

no. no. no. not again!!

2009-04-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU ARE ATT*****!!!
why must this happen. okay it didn't happen
but i have a sneaky suspicion.

2009-04-17T01:05:00.001-07:00

jason mraz is always so refreshing.

love this song(:

fallen stupid for you

2009-04-17T01:03:00.000-07:00

sometimes you know
certain things are like.way out
like theres a DON'T DO IT sign board over it

i can't believe i just did that.
no way

my new fav song

2009-04-17T00:25:00.000-07:00

Kate Voegele - Lift Me Up

This road is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle I've seen high and I've seen low
So loud, the voices of all my doubts
Telling me to give up, to pack up and leave town

Even so, I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me, yeah

So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

Somewhere, every body starts there
I'm counting on a small prayer,
Lost in a nightmare
But I'm here, and suddenly it's so clear
The struggle through the long years
It taught me to outrun my fears

Everything worth having, oh
Comes with trials worth withstanding

So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up
Oh, Lift me up

Down and out is overrated
And I need to be elevated
Looking up is not enough
No, I would rather rise above

So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
‘Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

Oh, oh, oh, just begun
Lift me up, yeah, oh, oh, oh, yeah, now
Oh, oh, lift me up
Lift me up
Lift me up

lyrics are just so meaningful(: learning to sing this one,plus play the piano accompanyment.

something's are actually nice

2009-04-17T00:10:00.000-07:00

mum makes the BEST chicken noodles in the whole wide world
seriously,she should open a shop
dad doesn't know what OPI is but after i was spazzing to him about it,he told me there's a shop near his office and got me 2.thanks dad!
finally doing what i have been wanting to do in ages
next week,can't wait.
small scale,but still its going to make me feel better.
love the rush.

finally.a sensible conclusion

2009-04-16T23:37:00.000-07:00

yeah i haven't blogged about this yet
but well, stuff hasn't been my idea of smooth
and i'm learning to accept that
i have stopped asking why people do this and that
and why people can't just stop their nonsense
but its okay
i looked stupid when i actually was naive and blinded to the fact that these sort of things were something you are capable of
but you know what,
my folly revealed your heart.
and just showed me that yeah,you REELY are like that
now i know what kind of person you are
can't say i love what i see;i know i'm in no place to judge
but really,
i don't regret what i said
i'm glad that though we are not exactly on smiling terms you know what kind of person i am.
now its sad we are acting wierd around each other
but well,
i'm not gonna get stuck in this shit and stay here for too long
i'm not gonna let this get me down
i can't expect myself to be strong all the time
but this is one of those times that i feel that i can actually do this.
its tiring
people are just dramatic
and i feel
that most girls,in particular are psychotic bitches
they play mindgames on people but fall hard for them themselves
sounds mean and stereotype but this place isn't that sort where everyone is pure,innocent,and what you see is what you get
people are complicated
and i accept that.
its okay,i don't expect anything from anyone.
people will fail you and disapoint you one time or another
but one thing i know is that i'm not going to be miserable about it
really, you can't change people.you can just change yourself
let them be miserable if they want.
let them bitch if they want
just stop caring
stop caring about what they think,what they say,how much they hate you.
one word:whatever
its hard;but why let someone else's opinions of you shake you off from the place you are at?
in short, be whatever you want to be
go ahead,say whatever you want; i didn't know i was that amusing.
but i'm not joining you.
what's the point of doing the same;just makes me like you.

MUM's the word

2009-04-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

my mum's fricking hilarious
and she found out. SHIT!

"oh how's _____(my ex crush)?"
"EW he's like so OVER!"
(realising i seriously shouldn't have said that)
"oh wow,someone new?"
"AH!!!I'm not telling you!"
(runs to my room and slams the door"
"AMANDA COME OUT NOWWWW!!!!!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
"NOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!"
"NO!!!!!!!!!!"
(i finally do)
"so who is it?"
"i'm not telling youuuu!"
(gets tickled,smacked and poked and i give in)
"okayyyyy fineee. he's just ...he's just so"
"what,how many boys you want to taste?"
"WHAT THE-WHAT ON EARTH!MUMMMM!!!"
"you think what,chocolates ah! i don't understand.why can't you just admire him from afar,why do you think so much?"
"um um because he isn't far away and i'm a freaking teenager"

MUM is grrrr.and now she knows.but thank GOD she doesnt know his name.
and she says she's watching me. shite. now its upped the difficulty

Reflection

2009-04-12T03:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems
that God i ever do is
ask for things
maybe ask too much of you
and that's not the way
i want to live
i need to change
yes something's got to give
something's got to give

EASTER this year was awesome,like it always has been(:
the drama really reminded me that love is always available
you don't need to go find it, it is just there. and it made me grateful,that i have life in God
friday nic and felz came along and it was FUN!
yay(:

saturday was at the HELLO campaign and i felt so sales-personish. really i mean going around saying HELLO and smiling at random strangers was a first for me
went for service later and it was good(:

PEEKTURES up soon,i hope. if i actually can remember. haha. quite alot of them though from
SPORTS DAY
FELZY AND ME IN THE TOILET
HELLO CAMPAIGN
and the long list haunts me.

cya,take care, have fun. and i'll c you soon

One last

2009-04-07T03:28:00.000-07:00

i like this song alot(:

heard it when i was like 12,but the lyrics are like especially relevent to me NOW.

nonsensical love

2009-04-07T03:17:00.000-07:00

i need and want something to hold onto
something;just something.
to FLUFFY; don't know if you'd see a picture after MYES.
haha;i wish i had your kinda guts

message from your heart

2009-04-07T03:04:00.000-07:00

its not about pretending that you are not affected
or not about being preoccupied with what others think of you
sure you'd sometimes be concerned with who is saying what but after awhile i can honestly say, i am tired from catching up with that gossip about myself and another piece of news about some person disliking me
Sun said this once and its still stuck in my head.
"Just don't care!"
and that's what i should do. i mean what's the point of getting sucked in

there's got to be more to life than chasing after every temporary high, to satisfy me

I DID IT

2009-04-07T02:58:00.000-07:00

OMGGGG YAY
i finally managed to fix my screwed up blogskin.
love it(:

The one for myself

2009-04-07T02:32:00.000-07:00

hey
this next one is for myself well i mean.yeah based on some past experiences

Can't believe it
so this is what it feels like to love someone you can't be with
I was the fool for several times
and didn't really mind it
all i could think of was how you wanted me to be
and how to keep up with it
suprisingly
that glimmer is gone
unknowingly
i got over it

Over it
yeah i am over it
suck it in
that's what i told myself when i bit my lip
really
whatever
so this is when you say forever
yeah i'm over you

So was this my greatest social experiment
but i will admit it
you got me good for many months in a row
your presence used to make me happy
but i'm glad that the burden is lifted
and i don't really care anymore
suprisingly
that glimmer is gone
unknowingly
i got over it

Over it
yeah i am over it
suck it in
that's what i told myself when i bit my lip
really
whatever
so this is when you say forever
yeah i'm over you

please don't stop the rain

2009-04-07T02:13:00.000-07:00

guess i'd never like sports that much
never will
and i have been so overwhelmed by our love
i wish i could do a cartwheel
remember us talking about soccer
and you leaned in and asked me
what was my favourite sport

and i said
its not floorball or tennis neither is it rugby
not pilates or yoga or something like it
for now
loving you is my favourite sport

RANDOMMM kick of inspiration. much needed one. to remind me that though alot of things are going off key and rather nuts in my crazy life, one things for sure. afew things are.

give until there's nothing left

2009-04-07T01:59:00.000-07:00

finally, an update after so longggg.
school has been crazy _______(fill in the blanks yourself)
to sum it up in words school is all about

studying
crazy girl chats with paige and co
note writing to faustina.cos we are complicated
planning study schedules
thinking about stuff while stoning

ha.i'm sure theres more to it but this is all i can think of now.

can't wait for sports day and shopaholic with paige tmr(:

FUDGEIT

2009-04-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

omg shit
i screwed up my codes.
hate my current skin
wanted to put a pic at the top to replace the idiotic banner
but i don't know how!
ARGH gonna change skin soon.

today's a saturday..yay.
one good thing in the entire week?
GOT OVER HIM
after 7 months

reflect

2009-04-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

note to self: stop wondering if other people are okay with you.
it sucks when you are ignored for no shit reason
and people keep dismissing your suspicions as imaginations and call you paranoid.
but well, this woke you up good. never trust a bitch again

boysboysboys

2009-04-03T20:18:00.000-07:00

its been a long long time since i posted.
heard something funny about myself from a friend.
i was asking her" i don't know why this person is like daoing me"
and she told me " oh she said something like she was pissed that you kept talking about boys"
and guess what.i Laughed!
i mean this is so freaking rediculous.
i thought it was some serious thing cos she is acting like i did something so wrong.
was like dying to find out and turns out its..this!
oh well.
now i find myself rather shallow cos well,the B word is sorta bigger to me than it ever was.
so sorry to that person whose pissed at me because of that. you know who you are.
at first i really couldn't accept it that i thought so much about stuff
but well, this is a stage/transition and one day i will grow out from it and laugh at my own sillyness.
i wonder when that day will be